Chris Cote presents...Fall Fashion Preview

Fall. Fall, fall fall. As in … fall, the season, not fall, like I want you to fall down and smash yourself on the concrete. I’m talking about Fall! Leaves turn, foxes grow thicker fur, kids go back to school and start thinking about doing homework and stuff. Anyway, fall is one of my favorite seasons. Out of all the four seasons, I could easily say that fall is one of my top four seasons. Summer is great; summer is one of my top two seasons, hands down—summer rules. Winter is great for cuddling and wearing layered clothing, so I’m not against winter at all. Winter is when you find that special someone and spoon him or her continuously for three months straight. Spring, bleh, Spring sucks. Rainy, cold, windy, lame—Spring may sound fresh and new, but Spring is more like mildew and ew.

Anyway, what does any of this have to do with Fall fashion? I agree, nothing.

So lets get in to it. How are you gonna dress this Fall? Well, I’ll tell you, and I’ll tell you straight. I have one word for you—swords.

Here are three trends I’m seeing for this year's Fall fashion update:

Swords—The water cooler is abuzz with the fashion worn by the kings, queens, imps, whores, sluts, kids, ogres, and such that star in the hit HBO series, Game Of Thrones. Haven’t heard about it? Well, maybe you should take your head out of your ass and ask, “What’s up?”—Game Of Thrones is the shit. And when a show becomes the shit (ala Mad Men) fashion follows. Expect to see people wearing more thick raw animal fur to concerts and parties. Leather boots, heavy chain mail t-shirts, armor, and yes—swords. Swords are no doubt the accent du jour for any cool outfit this fall. Man, woman, child—if you’re not wearing a sword, you should probably just wear a sticker on you face that says, “hey ya’ll, I’m a total dork”—and no one wants to do that (until next year when self deprecation fashion comes back in style).

Sexy Grunge—What is sexy grunge? And isn’t sexy and grunge an oxymoron? Well, this updated take on the 90s flannel and bad jeans movement is gaining steam in the hip clubs of Brooklyn and on the hot streets of New York City’s Upper Lower East Side (near the middle). Sexy grunge isn’t an easy look to figure out. Girls and guys basically will be wearing the same thing. What we’re seeing is jean shorts cut in to g-string jean shorts (for girls and guys), ass cheeks out, with no underwear. Back in the day, the grunge look was accented by a flannel wrapped around the waist, well this totally negates the want and need to show the butt cheeks, so the flannel is wrapped with the long part hanging off the front as not to block the view of the butt. Up top, the typical wife-beater has been updated with pre-made spaghetti-sauce stains that say funny slogans like, “I Still Love Pearl Jam” or “Alice In Chains Rocks My Brains”. Old beat up slouchy socks with flip flops round out the look—oh, and white dreadlocks help too.

Meat Gear—With the advancements being made in wearable meat products, the trend of dressing up in edible animal products is hot hot hot! Lady Gaga did it a while back, but she was a little too ahead of her time, and I think she was wearing flank steak, which is like, soooo three years ago. All the cool kids these days are draping high-end rib eye steaks and even venison in some trendy circles. Just the other day I say a really hot chick wearing a bra made of filet mignon, she looked delicious. While not recommended for hot days or for wearing in areas known to have roving packs of hungry dogs, the meat gear movement is gaining popularity in West Hollywood, North County San Diego, and oddly enough, Seattle (who jumped the meat gear train early, bypassing sexy grunge altogether). Buyer beware! Three days ago I walked into a poppin’ club off Sunset Blvd wearing a nice cut of skirt steak with a buffalo trim and was immediately lambasted for wearing a hat made of non-grass fed chicken cutlet—such a rookie move. The ironic part of this trend is that everybody who’s wearing meat gear is also wearing vegan shoes—irony is awesome.


Posted Sep 7, 2012 03:54:05 pm

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